14 Common Marriage Killers

Unhappy couple upset with marital problems angry and mad having conflict after argument. Young multi

I’ve hired a researcher and writer to provide you with typical information related to marriage and relationships. These posts will not go into as much depth as I do, for obvious reasons.

This post, 14 Common Marriage Killers, hopefully will stimulate your thinking about what conditions or situations in your marriage trigger the upset and crisis.

Please read them over. Give some thought to your situation, which areas you might strongly disagree or agree and leave your comment at the bottom.

1. Exhaustion

Even if you do everything right in your relationship, a problem can arise if it leaves you too exhausted to enjoy it. School, work, children and the seemingly endless commitments of family life can leave you so tired that your relationship becomes simply no fun. When you plan your day, always leave yourself time for rest and rejuvenation.

2. Money

Relationship experts tell us that of all the forms of marital strife, none is more common than those caused by finances. There are no problems like money problems, so put careful financial planning at the top of your to-do list. The chances of family friction will decrease dramatically if your finances are in order.

3. Self-centered

We all have the right and the responsibility to care for our own needs. However, in a marriage you have to be able to also take into consideration the other person in the partnership. Selfishness is unattractive in anyone, but in a marital relationship it can be fatal.

4. In-laws

Great in-laws can be a wonderful aid to a marriage. Or in-laws can be a trigger for frustration or hurt. Make sure you are able to talk about in-laws and family patterns with your spouse.

5. Perfectionism

Some people go into marriage with unreasonable expectations of complete marital bliss. Then the first time something goes wrong, they are plunged into a marriage crisis. Getting realistic marriage information before the wedding is a good way to avoid romantic illusions that can lead to disappointment.

6. Clinging

In a healthy relationship both partners have the confidence to give each other a little free time to be on their own. Your spouse had a life before they met you, and it didn’t end on your wedding day. Insecure clinging and jealousy towards the time your partner spends with family and friends will eventually suffocate a relationship.

7. Sexual Frustration

Despite what’s portrayed in movies and romantic novels, good sex seldom happens by magic. It takes a conscious effort and desire to please the other partner. Usually, it requires practice and patience, so be sure to keep practicing!

8. Infidelity

By the time this marriage killer appears, your relationship is already in deep trouble. Yet, marriages with a cheating spouse have been known to recover and survive, but only if both parties are willing to work at it.

9. Bankruptcy

It’s no surprise that a major financial crisis like going bankrupt can lead to a marriage crisis as well. Bankruptcy sometimes can’t be helped, but how you and your spouse react to it can determine whether it is merely a temporary crisis that you eventually overcome, or a stressful nightmare that shatters your marriage.

10. Success

It is easy to see how big failures threaten a marriage, but big time success can also cause unexpected stress. Success means change, and while many of the changes are pleasant, they also alter the environment within which your marriage has worked in the past. If caught unprepared, those changes can destabilize your marriage.

11. Youth

Everyone admires young love, but young marriage can be another matter. In the past, people regularly married in their teens, but these days, that is almost always too young. The most sensible people do not consider marriage before age twenty.

12. Alcohol

When alcoholism enters a marriage, divorce is often close at hand. Fortunately, dependence on alcohol is treatable, but one must have the knowledge and insight to see when a problem is forming. Part of the marriage information everyone should receive prior to the wedding is some basic facts about alcoholism.

13. Illegal Drugs

There is a worse nightmare than alcoholism, and that is when the problem is compounded by the fact that the substance being abused is also illegal. Nothing threatens to break up a marriage quite like a prison term! As with alcohol, the best protection against illegal drugs is education.

14. Other Addictions

There are things other than substances that get you high that you can get addicted to. Pornography, gambling, shopping and other activities that are not always harmful, can become so when abused. Anything that becomes compulsive and repetitive despite a desire to stop is an addiction. What addictions do is consume your time and your money. Eventually, they will consume your marriage as well.

Which of these “killers” speaks most to your situation? Which would be the top 3 that have impacted, most severely, your marriage?
Please comment.

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Leave A Reply (17 comments So Far)

  1. John
    2 years ago

    1. Sexual frustration

    2. Money

    3. Infidelity

  2. Nancy
    2 years ago


  3. Donna
    2 years ago

    1. Infidelity
    2, self centered
    3. Alcohol
    4. Youth
    6. Infidelity

  4. Chris Brown
    10 months ago

    Changes in jobs (successes) have impacted the most. There are downsides to success.


  5. Irina
    10 months ago

    1. Infidelity
    2. Money
    3. Alcohol and suspended drugs

  6. Roger
    7 months ago

    #1 I worked too many hours to make a living and was tired when I was home.

    #7 I found years later that she was unhappy with my performance as a sex partner.

    #8 From our 5th year through our 32nd year she was with 7 other men.

    #14 She had sex with other men about 3 times a week average, up to 17 times in one 3 week period.

    Our 60th anniversary is this year and we are still together but it is something I would never have chosen if I had a choice.

    • DS
      6 months ago

      In almost every situation There are choices /options, are there not? They may not be easy ones but they still are choices. I’m curious how over 60 years you feel you didn’t have any choices? happy anniversary by the way !

  7. Roger
    6 months ago

    In my case, #7 led to #8 and led to #14(addicted to sex) After about 7 years I said ” Him or Me” and moved out. After 32 years she said “come home” and we have been working on it since. Our 60th anniversary is this year and we plan on ignoring it because she still don’t think she did anything wrong.

  8. Divorced and sadly reflective
    6 months ago

    Sexual incompatibility from the beginning (loved him deeply though)
    Success, followed by over-spending, followed by lots of debt
    Disconnection starts and becomes normal
    Marriage over, too little too late

  9. Louise
    6 months ago


    We were together for nearly 10 years. He decided to pursue other women and completely lie about it. When I had hard proof, he still lied. Finally I filed for a divorce. I think the lying hurts more than the actual affair. I thought I had married a very ethical, honest man…but when it came to women, not true.

  10. Still trying to stop divorce
    6 months ago

    Money, overspending
    Bankruptcy due to money overspent
    In laws

  11. DS
    6 months ago

    I feel that Step-children and ex-spouses/significant others should be included on this list as well as “friends” (I use this term loosely because most people nowadays think call their gazillion followers friends or people they text but never actually talk to either on the phone or in person) who give bad advice, are a bad influence etc who people don’t want to let go of and bring/add nothing to the romantic/primary relationship. Would you take money advice from someone who is bankrupt/broke or in debt? Then WHY would one take relationship advice from anyone who hasn’t stood the test of time in their OWN relationship and done it w love, respect, and JOY ??

    Also, technology should definitely be in the top 10–cell phones, computers, tablets/iPads and ever growing social media. These are ruining Relationships of all types not just romantic ones. Wise up, people.

  12. Roger
    2 months ago

    # 8 followed by #14 ie; sex addiction and belief that she has done nothing wrong.