Ignite (Easily and Naturally) a Deep Love and Connection that Soothes the Hurt and Extinguishes the Emotional Distance
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Read these comments:
I want you to know that your course helped me far more than any of the others because it was straight forward, real and doable. I’ve done the 27 days and it works. I am constantly going back to refresh myself with things to think about. It’s a great resource to see just how far I’ve come.
I am an educated professional and was skeptical about a self- published self-help book. But your advice is wise, anticipates my questions and is reassuring.
Thank you for being a voice of confidence, assurance, and guidance in this quagmire. At last somebody who was giving practical advice, somebody who called ‘a spade, a spade’, somebody who, above all, never gave up on me and understood my dilemma and my hesitance to order and pay for the E-books over the internet.
Your writings and ebooks have not only saved my marriage, but also my life. My pain is still not over, as I discovered that my wife of 20 years has been having long term affairs on the side for 17 of these years, including the period over which we were having children. I read your books and emails over and over, and they helped tremendously to understand her problems as well as mine. It’s taken me a year and half to get myself together, but my new business is thriving and we are still together. And perhaps for the first time we are ‘really’ together.
I have been trying to rebuild my marriage after infidelity broke it apart two years ago. I have been in therapy and applying myself to healing using various authors, programs, and therapists. I am at a point in the marriage where I felt that it had to move and go somewhere or it would consume me. I once again found myself at this site and it is immensely helpful, honest and hits you with the right language which, in turn, is refreshing from other therapies in which the truth and the reality of the situation is unveiled and verified. * In contrast to the fluffy filling therapists often try to fill you with without letting the true validation surface.
Thank you for the specific examples in the checklists. I felt immediately like the material was relevant to my specific situation and it empowered me to believing in and then following your instructions closely. You other book, Break Free…was my first read and it actually helped to stop his infidelity so that I’m at this point where I can focus on trust. Thank You!!
Easy read. Well written. Calms the anxious mind.
This exercise was precisely the kind of help I have needed. The steps have also given me a better understand of how to “Charge Neutral.” I’ve intellectually acknowledged that charging neutral is be a good thing for me to be doing but have felt defeated in being able to do it. The process in this module of identifying shifts to implement gives me a practical tool to work with.
Having a voice and making distinctions are tremendously empowering concepts to explore. I didn’t even realize why I was so unhappy with myself and my marriage. It was like two empty people tearing each other apart.
So many times I’ve wanted to yell, “I want a divorce!” but haven’t. Now I realized there is a better way to address the problems.
I read this section twice, I really connected with the section describing the process of making finer and finer distinctions, I want this capacity in my life and how I relate to my partner and others. I feel excited to keep moving through the material.
Interesting to learn about marriage “myths” and wrong ideas. No wonder things weren’t’ getting better when I was going down the laundry list of fixing his complaints!
The greatest take-away was about meta-comments. I’ve been doing this as long as I can remember. Probably due to my parents telling me I made everything up or was just lying when I gave my opinion about anything. So I’m using meta-commenting to really analyze why I want to say what comes into my mind. By editing my thoughts, it gives me the time to make better choices and also listen more intently to what he is saying. It also gives me a chance to ask myself if I’m judging before I open my mouth.
The best part is I don’t have to work at it. There is a process and a system – it makes everything easier.
My favorite statements about ENGAGING are: ––A series of engagements, each building positively on the other, create a framework for the possibility of warmth, acceptance, love and romance. ––Each engagement gives a wealth of information to enhance personal power and voice. Thinking about the implications of these statements gives me hope and an incentive to master the concept of “positive engaging.” I see that positive engagements are not rooted in personal neediness; may be nonverbal (a look, a touch or a sigh); may involve a variety of platforms (face-to-face, phone, texting, email); and need not be lengthy. I like being more aware of all of this. Typically, I’m the one who initiates an engagement and my husband responds either with reluctance or with passive accommodation. It’s a bit of a relief to read that this type of imbalance is not too unusual. The fact that I have a tendency to engage with negativity and reactivity is evidence of personal neediness on my part. I should evaluate the nature of this.