Marriage and Chemistry

Silhouette of a young couple kissing at the beach with the sun setting behind them

“Chemistry” creates Warm Magic Moments

What is “Chemistry?”

I really don’t know. And, not knowing is what makes “chemistry,” chemistry.

Chemistry is an attraction, a powerful attraction. It’s just there.

You walk into a room of 100 people and you may be “drawn” to a particular person. There is an attraction that defies reason.

The psychology community has attempted to explain this phenomenon using concepts such as archetypes; or more recently some suggest a couple may experience a magnetic presence because they are “soul mates.” As well, “chemistry” is often equated with a strong sexual component.

Chemistry may be a part of romance, but perhaps not.

Romance is built upon mirroring back and forth to one another an idealized image. Chemistry, I believe, runs much deeper.

Romance is temporary. It dies and fades as the humanity of each is encountered.

Chemistry continues.

Chemistry is that abiding deep connection, which is present even in the difficult times and becomes more powerful as heart-to-heart disclosure takes place.

Chemistry can be developed and deepened as a couple matures. The more you disclose to your spouse about you, the greater the potential for chemistry. The more your spouse discloses to you about his/her uniqueness, the greater the power of lasting chemistry provided it accompanies acceptance and gratitude for differences.

Regardless of how this can be qualified, Warm Magic Moments thrives in an environment that exudes “chemistry.”

Check out these markers of chemistry:

  • I am so connected with my spouse that I can often feel his/her presence.
  • I have listened to my spouse so well that I often know what s/he is thinking.
  • My spouse knows me intimately, sometimes even better than I know myself.
  • We are perfect for each other right now; I am growing as a person in this marriage.
  • We are constantly doing what we want and are present to what we are doing.
  • We befriend change and evolve together; our fear of the unknown does not hold us back.
  • I inform my spouse how to bring out the best in me; I get what I need and more.
  • Sometimes I am overwhelmed by gratitude, love, or admiration — and I express it.
  • We fill our lives with symbols of love, shared communication and traditions/rituals which enhance our connection.
  • I pay attention to details that are important to my spouse; I give great gifts.
  • We invite serendipity and synchronicity; we notice and appreciate fortunate coincidences.

Now, here’s what I want you to do.

Copy this list. Print it out and take it with you. Spend two days reading it periodically. Paste it on your fridge. Make it desktop on your computer. Tape it to your mirror. Keep it in front of you, just for two days. Think about the list. Reflect on the list. Allow the list to sink deeply in to you.

Then, put it aside for a week.

Come back to the list a week later and see what sifts have taken place in your mind or in your relationship. Describe how the list has impacted you and your marriage. What did you do differently? What new attitudes do you now possess? What mental breakthroughs did you make, if any?

If you are separated, divorced and/or single, feel free to use this exercise targeting any relationship of significant emotional investment.

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Leave A Reply (2 comments So Far)


  1. Beto
    11 months ago

    Wow- my spouse and I do not have a single thing on that list going for us, and we haven’t for a very long time. It’s hard to imagine things improving much. Thanks though, for a window into what might be possible under other circumstances. It is some kind of food for thought.


  2. Orlando
    4 months ago

    Bob,

    What do you think the difference between compatibility and chemistry is?

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