Sex is a “hot” topic! (A little play on words.)
It is. Truly.
Sex is a part of you and the marriage that reaches down and touches the very core of how you perceive and feel about you.
Nothing stirs your sense of vulnerability more than to expose your nakedness of body, mind and spirit to the one you value the most.
Sex is the place and time in which illusions about self and the other can be most deeply threatened and exposed.
Your need to be touched and held is front and center, your primal instincts emerge, your need for
tenderness and compassion cry out, your need to control flashes before you, your fear to be known can cloud the moment and your capacity to withhold or demand may be a force in your bedroom.
And all these issues appear with a ferocity and strength that make the bedroom a pathway to your very soul and the heart of your marriage.
Consider these 9 statements as they apply to your experience of sex in your marriage:
- I am often aroused by the presence of my spouse. Our lovemaking is richly satisfying for me in both quality and quantity.
- I am fully present with my spouse when we make love.
- Our intimate environment feels creative, adventuresome, new and fun.
- I enjoy making my partner feel great and my spouse tells me what s/he wants.
- I enjoy receiving pleasure from my spouse and easily communicate my desires.
- I accept and respect my spouse when s/he chooses to say “no.”
- I have communicated my personal needs around sex and intimacy, and they are understood, accepted, and being fulfilled in a way which feels good.
- For me sex is a choice, not a compulsion.
- After intimate, erotic time together I feel great.
Now, here’s what I want you to do.
Copy this list. Print it out and take it with you. Spend two days reading it periodically. Paste it on your fridge. Make it desktop on your computer. Tape it to your mirror. Keep it in front of you, just for two days. Think about the list. Reflect on the list. Allow the list to sink deeply in to you.
Then, put it aside for a week.
Come back to the list a week later and see what sifts have taken place in your mind or in your relationship. Describe how the list has impacted you and your marriage. What did you do differently? What new attitudes do you now possess? What mental breakthroughs did you make, if any?
If you are separated, divorced and/or single, feel free to use this exercise targeting any relationship of significant emotional investment.