It may seem obvious that an emotional connection will enable Warm Magic Moments.
An emotional connection does trigger Warm Magic Moments. However, what you think of as an emotional connection may be an emotional connection in disguise.
A great deal of time, energy and money is spent in our culture attempting to create “romance” or that “in love” feeling.
If you’ve read my material at length, you understand that I make a significant distinction between “romance” and feeling “in love” and a mature emotional connection.
“Romance” and falling “in love” are typically the results of mirroring to each other, what the other thinks they want to hear and experience. These two concepts are based mainly on illusions or idealization of the other person.
The ultimate goal of “romance” is to avoid or “complete” the emptiness you feel deep within. Someone else flatters you and affirms whom you think you want to be.
It is only temporary, of course, since each becomes aware of the humanity of the other and the illusions are smashed.
An emotional connection of extreme value and power is based upon knowing the other and being known by the other, with all the warts, complexities and contradictions and valuing those differences.
A mature emotional connection flourishes on the fact that I accept you as you, divulge more and more to me of what you think and value and you accept me as I do likewise.
A mature emotional connection lacks judgment and condemnation. The uniqueness of each is celebrated.
Check out this list of traits that characterize a mature emotional connection:
- I am grateful for the love I feel in this marriage; my spouse lifts my spirits.
- My spouse sees and appreciates my deepest, truest self.
- Our marriage is aligned with my sense of purpose.
- I respect my spouse?s center-most spiritual values.
- Our relationship inspires me to connect with my spiritual source.
- The quality of the silence between us is usually rich, peaceful, connected.
- I completely forgive my spouse; I accept apology and let go of blame.
- I am aware of my tendency to judge, and I practice acceptance of my spouse.
- I am generous with my spouse; I trust my spouse is trying his/her best.
- Our marriage heightens my personal power, passion, and vivacity.
- Our marriage increases my ability to relate to myself and others with compassion.
Now, here’s what I want you to do.
Copy this list. Print it out and take it with you. Spend two days reading it periodically. Paste it on your fridge. Make it desktop on your computer. Tape it to your mirror. Keep it in front of you, just for two days. Think about the list. Reflect on the list. Allow the list to sink deeply in to you.
Then, put it aside for a week.
Come back to the list a week later and see what sifts have taken place in your mind or in your relationship. Describe how the list has impacted you and your marriage. What did you do differently? What new attitudes do you now possess? What mental breakthroughs did you make, if any?
If you are separated, divorced and/or single, feel free to use this exercise targeting any relationship of significant emotional investment.