The First Radical Unconventional Mind Twisting Step to EASY LOVE …Stop Trying to Fix Your Marriage
Don’t dive in!
If your marriage is in shambles, broken and and you are emotionally falling apart, don’t… please don’t… jump in and try to fix it.
No date nights. No plans for a romantic getaway. No plea for counseling. No, “Let’s sit down and talk about this.” No trying to meet your other’s needs. No ultimatums. No becoming a chameleon to what you think your other wants. No outbursts. No drama. No attempts at calm rational persuasion. No stone silence. No guilt trips. No new trick you just learned online to get “more” from your other.
None of that.
Your best laid plans and most conventional strategies won’t work!
As a matter of fact, they will backfire and make your situation worse.
What you are Taught about Fixing a Marriage is All Wrong
Because you are too tense. Your anxiety controls.
And, when you are tense, your best intentions, backed perhaps by seemingly solid and traditional advice, will blow up in your face.
You don’t get this. You are not taught this. You are taught and encouraged to jump in and fix it.
The Number 1 Marriage Killer
I recently asked my readers to respond to a survey and in one word answer the question: “What, in your opinion, is the number 1 factor that kills a marriage?”
I received hundreds of responses, but for the sake of brevity, present only the first few on this chart.
Scan the chart. Which word would you use to describe the #1 marriage killer?
When I posed my question, I had MY one word in mind.
It didn’t surprise me that My word was NOT on that list of the first 210 responses was not on that list.
My work with literally thousands of couples since 1981 has lead me to drastically different conclusions about what works and what heals a marriage.
MY word was TENSION or anxiety and its close cousin, worry.
A couple people on the chart mentioned fear, which comes close, since fear is the root of tension and worry. I will touch on that later when we look at fear factors that rip a marriage and operate within the context of traditional martial self help methods.
Tension Makes You, Your Efforts and Your Marriage Ugly
Have you ever been around a tense anxious person?
Of course you have. Remember that experience?
Being around a tense and anxious person is not a pretty picture. You quickly pick up on the tension, feel it spreading into your cells, and find yourself defending, explaining, frustrated, on edge or just plain walk away.
And if you are in the midst of a marital crisis that is rocking your soul, it must be obvious to you that you ARE tense. You worry. You are afraid. You may find it difficult to stop the catastrophic and negative thoughts. You easily become an emotional basket case when your world of love and family is threatened.
Tension = Recycling Marital Garbage
Your automatic response to your tension and your partner’s automatic response to your tension set up cyclical patterns: you continue to recycle your marital garbage.
There is no space in the tension. There is no calm either in you, your spouse or the marriage.
You cannot love when you are tense. You cannot accept and trust love when you worry and are racked with anxiety.
You fear moving close when you are tense. You fear moving away when you are tense.
Love and loving falls far short of your dreams and hopes for your marriage or relationship.
True and Lasting Love is EASY
Loving and being loved should be easy.
True love is EASY. There is a flow with a Love that is EASY. This love just happens. This love emerges from seeming nowhere. This love is effortless. This love is a gift.
This love you can have.
But, you cannot have it; it is beyond your reach when you dive in with your tension laden and fearful soul to fix it and capture it.
You cannot make love happen. You cannot make your partner love you.
Love just is.
Welcome a Loosey Goosey You and a New True Love
Such love is found when particular conditions are present.
To move toward those conditions you first must warm up and create the environment in which your tension diminishes.
You must cultivate those conditions in which you find yourself “loosey goosey.”
Loosey Goosey means you are relaxed. You accept. You are ready for each moment. You embrace each moment, learning from it and valuing its offering.
The effort, the “working on it” the trying to fix it and make it happen fade.
The Marriage Warm Up
Athletes are taught to warm up prior to competition.
You warm up before you work out or run or engage in physical exercise.
Singers warm up their voices.
Musicians warm up their muscles and tune their instruments.
And, so you warm up, relax and enter that state of Loosey Goosey in which the tightness of your tension and worry evaporates.
Then, the intimacy, understanding, communication and connection flows with greater power, passion and ease.
Relax? When this is happening. How????
OK. Fine, you say. But, how in the world does this happen? Tell myself to relax and chill? Fat chance!
I’ve created a number of solid resources that help you “Warm up,” lower your tension and worry and create the environment for the EASY LOVE Laws to flow with their power.
I realize this movement from tension to ease is a fairly large shift.
Sub Programs to Shift to a Loosey Goosey You and Hope for Your Marriage
And, so I’ve created a number of sub programs to guide you through this process.
Each program focuses on a specific condition that creates a fertile ground for you to shift from the terror of your tension to a relaxed acceptance of your good and the good of the marriage or relationship.
Keep in touch for updates!