A prominent message sent to the bride and groom upon getting married is, “You are losing your personal freedom.”
Isn’t the phrase “tying the knot” interesting? It speaks of a strangle hold, a constriction and losing the capacity to be free.
Pranks speak to this loss of personal freedom. Here’s a prank played from my past.
The bride and groom standing in front of the church, before the clergy, are told to kneel for the words of blessing. Unknown to the groom, one of his buddies printed the word HELP on the soles of his shoes which become obvious as soon as he knelt.
Bachelor and bachelorette parties prior to the wedding are popular times for both to “party.” I suppose the underlying message is, “Live it up. You won’t get this chance again once you “tie the knot.”
Once married, you are to meet each other’s needs. You are to sacrifice your own personal desires and give to your spouse. This is all and good, but it seems that most when first married, lack the maturity and insight to carefully evaluate that process.
Sacrifice and accommodation to the spouse become for many a boiling pot of frustration and a belief that personal entitlement is a thing of the past.
And, this belief is cemented by the fact that you promise to “be one” until death do us part.
I believe the intent of these promises is valid and important. However, the bride and groom, and those who have not given much thought to the more difficult aspects of being married, interpret these promises, at a basic level, to restrict one’s personal freedom – forever! What a depressing thought!
A Green Marriage (see http://www.saveamarriageforever.com/ebook.htm) experiences the marital relationship as a seedbed for personal freedom.
A marriage fully lived and experienced enhances the personal freedom of both partners.
You are encouraged to state powerfully what is important to you. You state your preferences in a welcoming atmosphere of trust and anticipation.
You are encouraged to become fully you; however that develops in your life over the course of your life.
Your work, your hobbies, your life’s passions are embraced by your spouse. You are encouraged to explore other avenues that will offer you excitement and challenge as make personal shifts of interest and activity.
You see your life and the life of your marriage with unlimited possibilities. Relating to your spouse is dynamic, always changing, always offering more for you and for the two of you. You do not become bored. You do not pine for another life. There is no need. It never crosses your mind.
You live with full integrity. You do that which is best for you and for your family. Living with integrity offers a tremendous sense of satisfaction.
Yes, a true level of freedom is possible in a marriage. In reality, it is a core benefit of relating to another with a deep and abiding emotional investment.
Each spouse embracing the personal freedom of the other is the ONLY way to generate legitimate and lasting intimacy.