The 3 Beliefs that Ruin a Marriage or Relationship

How to save a marriage

Your Marriage Breaking? Shattered?

Your marriage is breaking. You don’t want it to break, but it feels like each day a new piece shatters.

Do you sometimes feel like the door of love, acceptance and intimacy has been slammed shut in your face? You feel unappreciated, alone, ignored and emotionally light years removed from your spouse?

If so, I will open a new door and invite you into a new world, a world in which the Laws of True Love can piece your marriage back together.

How to Get Your Spouse and Love Back

Your spouse is pulling away – has been for a while. Maybe you didn’t notice the distance; life was life, with responsibilities and all and things seemed ok. Not great. But, hey, it is what it is.

Now the distance is right in your face. Wham!

Your partner and spouse feels more and more like a stranger. Some days your body stiffens with the tension and your breathing almost stops.

You fear the anger and hostility. Your mind races trying to understand and fill in the blanks of their aloofness and uncaring behavior.

The touching, the humor, the looked-for moments and space of peace and love are pleasant but distant memories.

The distance is more than distance now. It’s a threat.

You long for what was. You fear the future. You don’t want to lose your dreams, your hopes and maybe even your family!

You’re Not Alone: It’s an Epidemic

The Grass isn’t Always Greener

You think divorce is an answer?

Your spouse thinks divorce, infidelity?

A change of scenery might help?

Pay attention to these stats:

stats 2.33.55 PM

These stats point to two facts:

1 . You are not alone. Others suffer with you. ALL marriages STRUGGLE! Look around. How many truly satisfied couples (that you know) do you see?

2. Something is not working! What you are taught and absorbed about building a marriage is off kilter! The profession of Marriage Counseling hasn’t made a dent (and I’m one of those!)

I can understand why you are here. You want something else. And, rightfully so!

Get Out From Behind the Bad Beliefs 8-Ball

8-ball

What you are taught about marriage leads you down the prone-to-divorce path.

I’ve logged over 25,000 client hours as a Marriage and Family Therapist. Couple after couple has sat upon my couch and the problems expressed come from these three underlying beliefs:

1. My spouse has all the power. I want love and they won’t or can’t give it to me.

2. Something must be wrong with me. I don’t really believe I am lovable.

3. I must perform better so I can be loved.

These underlying beliefs feel like a ball and chain you drag through the marriage.

(Sidebar: I saw these beliefs affirmed and reinforced in the professional community in the 90s when I served on the State Board for Marriage and Family Therapists, but that’s a story for another time.)

What You Were Taught about Marriage and Love Fits with the 3 Beliefs that Ruin a Relationship

What’s conventionally preached at you to save your marriage fits hand in glove with this Bad 8-Ball Beliefs.

You are taught and encouraged to:

1. Manipulate, meet their needs or appeal to their power so you can “win them back” – trying everything pop marital advice suggests to get them to love you.

2. “Become a better person” so you are more attractive and desirable. This often means covering up or hiding what you believe to be your “defects.”

3. Spend your time, energy and resources becoming a better performer – be sexier, better listener, learn communication skills, etc.

See the correlation?

You are Encouraged to do Better That 
Which Doesn’t Work

See where this goes?

You try hard.

You don’t give up.

You “work on your marriage” employing the conventional suggestions that only reinforce the Behind the 8-Ball Beliefs, resulting in more frustration, fear, hostility, tension, distance and the continual recycling of your marital garbage.

You hit the rut from which there is no seeming escape.

The divorce court, or a life of quiet desperation, seems to be your fate.

Marriage Counseling is Like Gulping Down 
a Couple Glasses of Scotch

I’ve been fortunate to spend the past 5-10 years carefully researching my 25,000+ client hours.

I reflected and found that I was very good at helping couples find relief – relief from the tension, pain, fear and hostility, often quickly.

Couples would see me for 3 to 8 sessions or thereabouts, feel much better and smile on their way out of the last session.

I offered them an elixir, a way to relieve their tension.

And, that was good – for the time being.

There’s More – Much More than Relief

However, a high percentage of those couples would 6 months to a couple years later or longer, call for another appointment, slouch down on my couch and recite the same story as before. Only this time, it was worse; more painful with a deeper level of tension and despair.

Or, I would hear through the grapevine that they were divorced.

I treated the couple, but did not cure the underlying reasons for their fear, distance and frustration.

And so, once the effects of the scotch wore off – the relief from the pain, stress and tension, – the couple was back to square one, or worse.

Marriage Counseling and Therapy in general focuses on treatment, not cure.

Here’s that Old 8-BallAgain

Much – I would say 99% of the world around you, including the underpinnings of Marital Therapy is erected on the Bad 8-Ball Beliefs I mentioned above.

You need to work from a different framework, if you want a lasting love that you can enjoy daily and trust forever.

Relief = Marriage Turn Around

Hey, let’s not throw out the baby with the bath water.

I helped hundreds of coupled turned their marriage around often in the wink of an eye.

Don’t take this lightly. I don’t.

As a matter of fact, I’ve carefully researched what I did that provided relief and propelled that turn around.

Turn Your Marriage Around in 48 Hours

I’ve crafted a Module containing a skill and strategy that literally, as reported by users, impacted their marriage and are forever grateful.

An introduction to this Marriage stratery, which helps confront your spouse without upset, is found in the FREE Report.

Sign up NOW and the FREE Report will be delivered to your inbox.

Sign up for the FREE report, check out the “Quick Marriage Turn Around Module” and take the first step in getting your spouse’s loving and considerate attention.

Wishing you the best,

Dr. Bob Huizenga

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