The SECRET to Staying Calm (Inside and Out) when your spouse loses it

Webinar with Dr. Bob Huizenga

(Right click the button above and select “Save Link As…” to download the audio file)

Chat Transcript of the Q & A

Glad you are here. Feel free to add your questions or comments.

9:56 PM

Mary (to All):

Hi, Bob – Mary here

9:56 PM

To All:

Hi Mary… looks like you go it to work..

9:57 PM

Mary (to All):

yes, but I had to hit “everyone” to type this

9:57 PM

Mary (to All):

and no audio yey

9:58 PM

Mary (to All):

yet

9:58 PM

To All:

Ok… not sure what you do for private

9:58 PM

To All:

audio coming on the hour..

9:58 PM

Mary (to All):

ok

9:58 PM

Mary (to All):

can see you, but hope you cannot see me -in PJ’s😎

9:59 PM

To All:

nope… cant see you

10:00 PM

David Sayer (to All):

yes

10:01 PM

Amanda (to Organizers):

yes I can hear you

10:03 PM

Mary (to All):

My spouse left again, in anger, indicated he wants no contact other than text messages related to house maintenance. He states he wants space, but he is going to be with the other partner. This is our ongoing drama, exhausting and emotional for me.

10:09 PM

David Sayer (to All):

Is losing it the same as being triggered.

10:12 PM

Lady (PRIVATE):

I’ve been dealing with deceit, lying and secrecy. my husband won’t let the emotional affair go. I have of history of being controlling and domineering behaviors that pushed him far away. I am aware. how can I move forward when he doesn’t like confronting it and denies so much

10:12 PM

Lady (PRIVATE):

I’m not that way now

10:13 PM

Lady (PRIVATE):

it’s not me its him

10:13 PM

Lady (PRIVATE):

he’s cheating

10:13 PM

Amanda (to All):

when my spouse looses it, it’s mainly verbal attacks where he rehashes 2 month affair and tortures me with details.

10:13 PM

Lady (PRIVATE):

last week

10:14 PM

Buddy’s Laptop (to All):

my spouse loses it whenever she is ever faced with me and my feelings. my feelings or vulnerability is triggered when I feel her wall me off and withdraws. she completely shuts down and friends me.

10:15 PM

Lady (PRIVATE):

he verbally abuses me and started being rude when I try to talk about anything he doesn’t want to admit

10:15 PM

Mary (to All):

My spouse loses it whenever I pursue or question, and this triggers prolonged verbal abuse from him.

10:16 PM

Amanda (to All):

hmmm, I just have to let him get it out. however when someone dwells on the affair after a year and a half, no one can move forward.

10:16 PM

Mary (to All):

Oh my gosh, all of these!

10:16 PM

Buddy’s Laptop (to All):

yes

10:16 PM

Amanda (to All):

all of these

10:17 PM

Buddy’s Laptop (to All):

yes yes yes yes yes

10:17 PM
[ Waiting for name ] (to Presenter):

5 and 6

10:17 PM

Amanda (to All):

no

10:17 PM

David Sayer (to All):

all the time

10:17 PM

Buddy’s Laptop (to All):

a lot

10:17 PM

Lady (to All):

no

10:17 PM

Mary (to All):

yes

10:18 PM

David Sayer (to All):

my rational self

10:19 PM

Mary (to All):

all the time!

10:20 PM

Amanda (to All):

I do!

10:20 PM

Buddy’s Laptop (to All):

every day

10:20 PM

David Sayer (to All):

yup

10:20 PM

Lady (to All):

no

10:22 PM

David Sayer (to All):

my wife and I have realized that the triggering event is not the actual event but my reaction

10:22 PM

Mary (to All):

how do we break this cycle?

10:23 PM

Amanda (to All):

how do we get this cycle to end?

10:24 PM

Buddy’s Laptop (to All):

in the past my spouse has said our conversations are exhausting and they will never change

10:24 PM

Lady (to All):

what if your spouse stonewalls

10:25 PM

Amanda (to All):

they are exhausting conversations when we have to face them!

10:27 PM

Idalia (to All):

anxiety/fear

10:28 PM

Mary (to All):

panic

10:28 PM

Amanda (to All):

anxiety and a verbal torture

10:28 PM

Buddy’s Laptop (to All):

tension anxiety and fear of loss and rejection

10:28 PM

David (to All):

frustration

10:28 PM

Lady (to All):

overanalyzing

10:32 PM

Amanda (to All):

thank you, great list.

10:33 PM

Lady (to All):

unsafe

10:33 PM

Buddy’s Laptop (to All):

sure

10:34 PM

Buddy’s Laptop (to All):

yes

10:37 PM

Lady (to All):

your doing great Buddy

10:40 PM

Amanda (to All):

in life we all do beautiful things and stupid things. it’s apart of how life is. it’s a process and we are all human and make mistakes. question is how do we get over these hurdles with out wearing us all down? we all want a harmonious marriage.

10:50 PM

David (to All):

the key is to insist on respectful dialogue and to take a time out if one party does not honor that.

10:51 PM

Amanda (to All):

I agree with what Davis says

10:55 PM

Mary (to All):

It was a familiar story for me. but my spouse hooks me when I walk away from his abusive behavior by saying “you don’t respect me.”

10:56 PM

Mary (to All):

He likes to be in control!

10:56 PM

Mary (to All):

Anger, that is untrue, I do respect him, but not the behaviors.

10:58 PM

Amanda (to All):

more on the topic staying Calm- or keeping his anger calm?

10:58 PM

Lady (to All):

I agree Amanda

10:59 PM

Amanda (to All):

yes but we don’t have you present when this barrage happens

10:59 PM

Buddy’s Laptop (to All):

ty!

11:00 PM
[ Waiting for name ] (to All):

Hang in there buddy, let go… ive been there… when you finally let go its great

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