Intimacy in Marriage: The Fear of Loving

Intimacy and marriage

Is it really just men who are having trouble with intimacy in marriage? How do women cope with this fear? And how are they different from men?

Perhaps you also know this fact: That women have “issues” with closeness and intimacy in marriage just as much as men do. Although women may approach the issue of closeness a little differently or may have a different conceptual framework when it comes to it, they are still as cautious with intimacy.

A wise man once said: “The most courageous act you can perform is to truly love someone.”

Why is that? To entrust yourself to another means you stand a great chance of losing that love. You give your all, you become vulnerable, and you empty yourself to this other person. You give yourself fully to your partner because you want to feel the intimacy in marriage, and yet you fear that one day that union will be gone one way or another. Either you or the other will leave eventually, most dramatically as in death.

Another thing is that to truly engage with another person means that you will have to reveal or place yourself in circumstances where you are revealed completely. Or, more appropriately, exposed to another person. And the thing is, most of the time, you’re not entirely sure if you want others to TRULY know you. Because intimacy in marriage means someone else might see your neediness or your flaws, and this scares you.

It’s no wonder why marriage seems so difficult and a lot of people become scared to go through with it. And yet you want and pursue it, often with an unconscious tenacity because deep down, we all do not want to be alone. And if we are truly honest, there is a bigger fear than intimacy in marriage or closeness with another — that is to be alone.

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