Reminder: If you missed my blog on Magic Moments, go here now to review: http://www.saveamarriageforever.com/the-reality-of-magic-moments-in-a-marriage/
Warning: Don’t shame on you.
I am usually terribly reluctant to share ideals or a vision of what is possible. The reason: many feel guilty, inadequate or discouraged because they are not there.
Rather than use the ideals or vision as a target, they give up and swoon back into that “never will happen to me” mode.
Don’t go there. Please? If you feel inadequate, discouraged or ashamed of where you are, use that as a springboard to move ahead to where you truly want to be.
You can do it. And if you believe you can’t do it, stick with me. I KNOW you can do it and I will show you the roadmap and way. It may take some time (hey, some days, I’m not sure I’m close to being there!) but you will have those magic moments and also enjoy getting there.
I’m also reluctant to use the word “mature.” I’m not sure exactly what mature means. Mature often means “old” and that doesn’t fit. Does mature mean advanced? Again, I’m not sure. But it starts with M as does Mindset, Magic Moments and Marriage so, it sounds cool!
Marriage is a HUGE deal. Correct?
And, yet if you look back, you will see that you have received very little accurate and helpful information on how to build or enjoy a marriage.
You learn in the locker room, sleepovers, tabloids, on television, in movies, in novels, by watching parents and other marriage models, from church and yet you often get simplistic or downright dangerous information that does not speak to the complexity and depth of a marital relationship.
So, you and your spouse flounder, not sure what you are creating and hoping you do not become the one out of two couples who eventually split or the nine out of 10 people who express dissatisfaction with their marriage.
I want to clear the fog, the misconceptions, the misinformation and simplistic advice you receive about the wonderful possibilities for your marriage.
I want you to have an accurate target that you aim for in your interactions with your partner.
Some of you will be closer to the target than others. That fact is not bad. It just is! Some of you may exist in what I call a Red Marriage where safety is a major concern. Others of you dwell in a Yellow marriage in which frustration and cycles of breakdown erupt rather frequently. Only a few of you move toward a Green Marriage where what I will present become stronger possibilities.
If you want to learn more about your type of marriage and how to move forward to go to: http://www.saveamarriageforever.com/ebook.htm
Here are 9 characteristics of a Mature Mindset that focus on your self respect.
Once these characteristics become a rather consistent expression of your attitude and conduct, the Magic Moments will become rather ordinary.
- I am married at this moment because I choose to be, not because I need the marriage.
- I feel very free to express my deepest feelings and thoughts without fear or shame.
- I am not presently enduring pain in this marriage.
- I have the opportunity and desire to plan my private or alone time and take it when needed.
- I can live alone but being married to him/her generates more well-being.
- I take very good care of myself without needing my partner to take care of me.
- I take care of my body, which my spouse appreciates.
- I take pride in how I present myself and how I look and act publicly.
- This marriage enables me to do what is right for me.
Now, here’s what I want you to do.
Copy this list. Print it out and take it with you. Spend two days reading it periodically. Paste it on your fridge. Make it desktop on your computer. Tape it to your mirror. Keep it in front of you, just for two days. Think about the list. Reflect on the list. Allow the list to sink deeply in to you.
Then, put it aside for a week.
Come back to the list a week later and see what sifts have taken place in your mind or in your relationship. Describe how the list has impacted you and your marriage. What did you do differently? What new attitudes do you now possess? What mental breakthroughs did you make, if any?
If you are separated, divorced and/or single, feel free to use this exercise targeting any relationship of significant emotional investment.