The Pulling Away Spouse Accommodates

Couple argue and are not happy with each other

You are perceived as the recalcitrant spouse, the uncooperative one and the bad person for not getting with the program.

You receive this message from others. And, you may believe that of yourself as well, at least to a disturbing degree.

You believe it is important therefore to swallow the not so nice words on the tip of your tongue or to capitulate and give in to the needs and requests of your spouse – to move close.

What ran through your mind during this video? Leave your thoughts below.

Tags: , , , , ,

Leave A Reply (6 comments So Far)


  1. Peggy Guichu
    3 years ago

    The thoughts that ran through my mind when I was listening to your video were who, now, is the distancing spouse. It has always been my husband, but since his last lie it has switched to me. No big surprise, he is now pursuing me. He still can’t do what he says he wants to, but that’s his PA kicking in. He has been reading a lotof books on PA which is extremely good. He has seemed to be more sincere, but, once again, hard to trust that because of lack of consistent follow through. So, I’m not real clear as to which one of us is the dominant distancer at this point.

    I have been the one saying obsessively that the two of us need to work on our relationship/marriage. I understand the concept of resolution versus save the marriage. ‘Save the marriage’ is definitely a trigger for both of us now after so long at this. Resolution. I suppose it would be possible for the both of us to agree on an issue and move towards resolution. I’ll give it a try. Thanks


  2. Vanessa Latham
    1 year ago

    My husband was on the Ashley Madison list last August when the site was hacked.
    As soon as he was ‘caught’, he has apologized, gone to counseling, and has made notable positive changes to promote trust.
    I definitely have been the distancing spouse. It’s been over a year now, and he has no tolerance for any more discussion about his cheating – unless, it’s about all the things I did wrong that caused our problems (according to him).
    So, I use charge neutral, and go into my own space away from him.
    It works for me, but I’m not sure it’s helping with resolution.
    I hate the line “working on my marriage”. I totally get the resolution vs work.

css.php